The Vape

The Vape

Dear Diary,

It has been a very long time since my last confession. Nostalgia prevents me from closing this account after deleting every post. This blog feels neglected and lonely, two feelings that fit like an old, favorite pair of jeans, even if the feelings are totally unwarranted presently.

I’ve quit smoking, but I won’t change my author page until I’ve succeeded from not smoking for the same amount of time that I smoked. That’s a little over 13 frikkin’ years. I’m on month number four, with only a few hiccups here and there. Currently, I vape. It’s an industry approximately 10 years old in the US.

Big tobacco is shitting bricks. There’s a lot of noise going on concerning how safe vaping might be, with very little mention of how safer vaping is compared to smoking. I find all current “research” dubious at best. Instead, I’ve decided to let my body do the talking.

I have a physically demanding job. And when I was smoking, my job was much more difficult. My relationship with the gym was near nonexistent, and when I did go, my performance was substandard at best. Every night before going to bed, I knew, and felt guilty, I was going to snore, disturbing my wife’s rest. I also knew I was going to have a stuffy nose, and I knew I’d wake up the next morning feeling like crap, dying to immediately feed my addiction at the first opportunity.

My stamina and endurance was at an all time low, and along with that, my self-esteem as well. Now, my body is working entirely differently. I can breathe again. I can taste food. I snore less, if at all. I wake up alert and ready to tackle the day. I’m much more focused. And over the last four months, my concentrated nicotine intake has been reduced from 18mg to a max of 4mg.

The vaping community is another plus. Most of us are former smokers, or smokers still in the struggle, working together to help each other quit tobacco for good. We’re a world wide support group. It’s damn cool. I only wish I could convince some coworkers of making the switch.

Vaping isn’t without its controversy, as I briefly touched upon. Below, I’ll leave the latest link I came upon earlier this morning with concerns to e-cigarettes. Still, it’s not half as bad as smoking “analog cigarettes”, (forgive the pretentious terminology, but it’s my new favorite.)

Click here for the article.

April ’09

This is the mental image I’m trying to keep in my head, as I make my second, serious attempt to quit smoking.  Non-nicotine addicts, my wife included, can not fully understand my plight.  I even have a friend who swears he quit smoking, having never made a habit out of smoking REAL cigarettes in the first place.  In my book he’s a non-nicotine addict as well.

To offset the eventual increase in appetite and weight gain, I joined a gym a few weeks ago, and have started to work at getting back what I have lost.  I wish I had pictures of me around the age of 23 so you kids could see why I was nicknamed the “Puertorican Adonis with a cock of steel and a heart of gold”.  Alas, I don’t have many pictures from that time depicting that image.  But who knows?  Maybe someday again I’ll be as strong as her:

Thats a BIG bitch!

That's a BIG bitch!

I’ll keep you posted.

My days off?

I haven’t had a day off since the third or fourth week of August.  I school Monday through Thursday and I work Friday through Sunday. 

Lazy days off are becoming a distant memory, but I do recall sleeping in, spending way too much time online and watching films/listening to music. 

I don’t miss them too much.  I find I prefer keeping busy on a daily basis.  It leaves much less time to brood and be sullen as I used to be quite regularly. 

Today marks a week that I haven’t smoked a cigarette.  I still get antsy when I think of smoking.  I still want to reach for my pack and pull one out, light it and inhale, but I don’t.

I’ve also spent today sober.  As day turns to night, the urge to drink surges and I find myself anxious and bored.  I’ve spent the last week or two intoxicated and it’s really wearing on my body.  It hasn’t allowed me to reap much of the benefits of quitting smoking.

I guess I’ll just have to write.