Bill Maher Live at the Wellmont.

Bill Maher

Last night at the Welmont Theater in Montclair, NJ, my wife and I enjoyed a belated birthday present for me. Technically, the gift was right on time, back in July, but the show wasn’t until last night. And much like the Henry Rollins show, I wasn’t as entertained as I would have been in front of the television. As much as I dislike how that sounds, it’s totally true. My wife and I had decent enough seats, and Bill was pretty much right on the money, but the factors of a live show and all of its trappings started to take effect very early on.

For starters, while the chairs were fine, the way the theater stacks them up on top of each other, makes for a very uncomfortable experience. They’re just too close to the chairs in front and behind them, so one ends up leaving the venue with water trapped in their knees, and one’s back all stiff and stuff. Secondly, to the right of my wife was a young man offering me a “job”, selling I don’t know what on the net, and to my left there was an obese woman with a nasty cough. When she sat down, her fat leaked over into my area, and after a while, she didn’t care to try to keep her legs closed, so that I had to crush my own nuts just not to have to touch her. And she had a very nasty cough that she was far too fat and slow to catch into the crook of her elbow, so I’m probably going to die soon.

Back to Bill, he was great. As per usual, his delivery was easily followed and his punchlines had their signature sting. Halfway through the show, he even had a little fashion segment where “models” showcased the height of feminine-oppressed attire, consisting of the same burlap sack, used to identify them as second-class citizens where they are required by religion and law to wear. He even went as far as to call one model a “slut” for wearing a sack with “a plunging eye slit”. Very funny stuff.

However, as I’ve mentioned before with the Hank show, I would’ve enjoyed this as an HBO special from the comfort of my couch, jammies on, snacks in hand, with only my wife as company.


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