New (to me).

A married couple.

A married couple.

I am now a married man.  I have been so since a little before the Ides of March.  The tranquility of my life now I find very rewarding.  As of this post, I feel very fortunate.  However, life is not all peaches and cream.  We have obstacles we’re working our way through, and hurdles we must jump.  I suppose it’ll be like this for as long as we’re married – which in no way should be interpreted as a complaint.  I’m enjoying this new life.  I guess the purpose of this post is to point out (to myself) the pros and cons of leaving my old life behind.

I don’t miss my weekly club(s) visits, where I end up smoked out, drunk, and two-hundred dollars poorer.  I don’t miss having to be civil around some people I fantasized choking.  I don’t miss the fakeness of “scene-people”, clueless to the origins of said scene, oblivious to their own inanity.  I don’t miss the lonely nights, and I don’t miss the way I filled those lonely nights.

I do miss the loud music, the energy of a room full of people “marching” to the same drum.  Sometimes I even miss the freedom from responsibility that the abuse of alcohol shall always provide.  It was fun meeting new people, even if they would sooner-than-later shame themselves, or allow me to shame them.  Only the most carnal side of my character misses…

Reaching Golconda, in a sense, has allowed me to pursue other interests which are beneficial to my life and to my career.  When I’m not at work, I’m at the gym, burning off the poisons and the fat that I accumulated in my late 20’s.  Four weeks in, and I’m already starting to see a difference.  On top of that, the Chantix I’m taking to quit smoking is actually working.  The last couple of times I smoked, it tasted as if I were willfully inhaling burning synthetics.  I can honestly say (to myself) that I shall I not smoke again.

Coming from a total noob like myself when it comes to the subject of marriage, I still feel it imperative to say that the reality of marriage is rather stark, especially in these times.  Statistically speaking, we’re paddling upstream with broken paddles.  The numbers are bad;  I know more adulterers than I care to admit;  and people are just plain brainwashed MTV-style into living fast lives with no sense of integrity, duty, or honor.  With that said, I won’t pretend here (to myself) that I have the answers to a successful commitment.  Happen what may, and we’ll take it from there.  Or happen what may, and I’ll take it from there.

As it stands at present, this new life, overall, is pretty grand (to me).

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6 responses to “New (to me).

  1. This refreshing little piece of literature is going to send throngs of your fans into a fit of self doubt. They will sit in velvet draped rooms staring into the dancing light of the single black candle that illuminates it as they burn patchoulli incense and listen to this generation’s pitiful excuse for The Sisters of Mercy. They will sit there, as they stare into the candle light and wonder… “Was he talking about me? Nah, he couldn’t have meant me… could he?” All this will be pondered upon as they cut themselves to bleed away the pain of their miserable existence. I can see the tears of guyliner flowing down their faces. I can see them punish themselves for eating. There used to be a place for them in this world, but nobody really goes to record stores anymore since i-pods came to be. All in all, I was delighted to have read this piece. I offer a tidbit from one who has been where you now tread… Marriage is a work in progess. Congratulations again on your new life.

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  2. hehe you said noob……………………. you just wtfpwnd your old life and made a better you………………love ya brother

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  3. Aww, Zein, congratulations to you and your beautiful wifey. I hope you take the hard times as learning experiences, as testing as they may be. Be strong, don’t give up when things get hard. Don’t forget the good times when everything may seem oriented toward the bleak. Maintain your lines of communication even when it’s hard. You are now part of a unit–reorienting your thought process to one of a duet will take time, but it will bring success.

    Marriage is a process, to me, of losing the self. It is a rite of passage. You spend your early years cultivating the self, and your latter years cultivating the unit (as you have chosen to embark in through marriage).

    I won’t presume to think my ideology of marriage is the same as yours, but these are the words I am providing because this is how I understand it.

    When one never gives up the self once married, marriage is doomed. This is highly prevalent in the individualistic Western societies (i.e. the U.S.). Your ethnic backgrounds are an advantage in the midst of Western adversity.

    (hehe, sorry for corniness)

    Try this exercise if you ever experience conflict: For every negative idea you have of the other; bring a positive idea to the forefront. Attempt to bring balance to every situation. Also, indulging the goodness can bring a sharp contrast to the bad.

    Aside from my philosophical ranting, I hope you carry out a life that is successful unto you and your wife’s standards, rather than anyone else’s.

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  4. Congratulations on your marriage, hope you grow very old & grumpy together :)

    This was a beatiful piece of raw emotional truth. I would print this out. Frame it. Then hang it below your wedding pictures so you have a constant reminder of the feelings you had while you wrote this….

    It’s a roller coaster ride & it is tough to get back to those orignial feelings at times. Sometimes you have to have something there to see, to look back at in order to climb some hurdles through the years.

    Good luck in your life together!

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  5. Marriage is supposed to make you a wiser person…
    not because that person makes up for the knowledge you did not possess on your own, but because that person will make you see things in a different light.
    I am happy this happened for you.
    :)

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