Last night I met up with a friend from a far away land. We hit the streets of Manhattan running. Hold. We weren’t even walking by The City’s standards. Mostly, we crawled along the Lower East Side as my friend took endless pics of random… randomness. I bet the best pictures are the ones in which I vogued. Well, I didn’t exactly “vogue”, as much as I stood under colorful lights and smoked. And I smoked a lot.
We stopped at a Mediterranean spot and enjoyed our pasta until we somehow came upon the topic of “The Unspoken Rules” of marriage. For example, if I were a happily married man, it would be against The Rules for me to go out with another woman without my wife knowing. My friend sees this as a suffocating restriction, (which it really isn’t, as it is a matter of respect), so we decided to HBO Zone random people on the street. We spoke to singles, we spoke to couples; we spoke to straights, we spoke to gays; we spoke to the young, we spoke to the elderly; we even spoke to a couple straight from France. Everyone we questioned agreed with me. She won’t agree, as I’m now sure she’s slightly delusional, but everyone did agree.
As a form of revenge after a severe loss, she took twice as many pictures of physical manifestations of nihilism, and forced me to walk at a pace foreign to me and practically illegal in Manhattan.
After a while, we hit our final destination, enjoyed a few beers, and we discussed, (READ: I spewed endless “Zeinisms”), real-life zombies. Trust me when I tell you, they do exist! I met a girl from OkCupid at the place who had a virtual heart attack because someone recognized her from the very public and free “dating” website. (I’m there to promote my blog. :P)
As is my custom, I ended up pissing my friend off, as I’m wont to do with everyone that comes within earshot of me, but in the end we made up over pizza and jizz. Allow me to explain. We were watching people play pool, when this one guy dropped half a pie of pizza onto the floor. He and his buddies picked up the slices and continued eating them. I expressed disgust, when my friend asked, “What’s so bad about the floor? What do you think happened there?” I made the universal motion for jerking off, and made sput-sput sounds with my mouth.
She said, “Pizza and jizz both come from the earth.”
Later on we had a slice and wished each other a good night. None of it landed on the floor.