Posted by anonymous:
“I decided to take the plunge at the end of last year and join match.com. I don’t know what anyone else’s experience with this site has been, I thought it would be an interesting way to meet members of the opposite sex, since the bar scene just wasn’t doing it for me. I am an attractive, self aware, kind, successful individual, and I do meet men when I go out, but not ones that share interests or hobbies. It often proves difficult to start something with someone you have nothing in common with. This is where match came into the picture.
I posted my profile, the fact that I’d like to meet someone with similar interests, etc. And I did get great responses from people. One of those people, I went out on a date with, and I’ve been seeing him since the end of Jan. It has turned into a physical relationship and the physical chemistry is great, as is the mental chemistry. We speak a lot over the phone when we can’t see each other; he opens up to me about things in his life, and I tell him about things in my life. It seemed like everything was going great (and still are…I think), so I decided to ask him where he thought things were going.
His response was, “I don’t know, where do you think this is going?” And the only way I could respond was, “I don’t know either, I don’t want to rush into things because it could ruin it. I’m not the type of girl looking to get married next week, and I’m not the type of girl that sleeps around.” Which is completely true. I see people running around from relationship to relationship, just to have someone to call their bf or gf, or to find Mr/Ms Right Now, and that’s not me. But that left more questions for me.
So I mustered up the courage and asked if he was seeing other people or if he was pursuing others. (I think when you’re having a physical relationship with someone it’s great to be open and honest, make sure everyone’s on the same page.) He said no. Though, the next thing he said totally baffled me. “But if you met someone and wanted to see them, I would expect that you would tell me and be open with me, and I with you.” Is this normal if you’re seeing someone that you like to say something like that? I mean, sure, being open and honest is a must, but if you’re serious about someone, isn’t pursuing someone else not a part of the equation any longer? Or is it too soon in my interaction with Mr. X to assume such a thing since he isn’t my “bf”?
I have never had a physical relationship with someone I have met online before. Honestly, it has been a while since I have had a physical relationship with anyone. Maybe I am trying to sabotage this interaction by thinking about things too much, and I should just let things run their course?
I guess The thing that sticks out in my mind, and part of the reason I’m ranting/raving here in missed connections is that he still has his match account, where as mine has been inactive for quite some time. I tend to wonder what he uses it for, if he checks it because he paid for it, if he’s still looking, or if I’m just being insecure in myself etc?
I also tend to wonder if people are missing their connections with other’s because of sites like match.com? Is the fact that there is so much choice at our fingertips so alluring that you can’t be with one person and be happy? That there has to be constant search for more?
I am really confused about online dating, or maybe about dating in general. What the goals are, why people do it, and I would love to have a email convo with someone about this. Feel free to write me if you have any experience with this whole online genre of dating.
Thanks for taking the time to read my rant about missed connections.”
I don’t know if this will help, but this is the way I see it:
I honestly believe that “online” people are not your average, every-day person. Not yet, anyway. Times are changing rather quickly, and one day, this email will be obsolete. Everyone will be like “us”.
No matter how emotional people like you and I might be, I still see us primarily as “thinkers”. Why? Because of the years we’ve spent online. It has changed us, molded us into who we are today, and who’ll we’ll be tomorrow.
We know More, therefore, we want More. For years we’ve been sharing what is perhaps the most important part of ourselves – our minds! We wouldn’t continue to do this if we didn’t mutually and exclusively find pleasure in this.
As for relationships, I doubt any of “us” will ever be content with what’s considered The Norm. We do what we know how to do to get what we want: we go online. Mutual interests and hobbies aren’t enough. And we all know how the dynamic of an online relationship changes once we meet, once the physical comes into play. For the most part, it’s still unchartered territory.
The problem we have with the “missed connection” is pulling both “worlds” in sync. And because times are changing at the pace it is, it’s not a problem we’ll have for too long. You can take that to the bank.
We’ll solve this long before you can imagine.
To the reader:
What are your thoughts?