I have a special relationship with humiliation. It’s like a secret love affair. Most of the time, when I feel humiliated, no one else knows it. My humiliation is private. My humiliation eases her way into my life, and always without warning. She points and laughs at me from corners of the room where my company’s eyes don’t reach. Her laughter reminds me of styrofoam rubbing against itself. It makes me grind my teeth.
Recently, she’s been around every corner, under every stone, behind the eyes of those closest to me. Mocking me. Sometimes, I don’t mind her being around. If anything positive can be said about her, it’s this: she keeps me humble. Lord knows there was a time when I needed the reminder, and constantly!
What bugs me is that I’ve changed a lot. I don’t really need her to be around as much. What am I doing wrong? Why is she so intent on marrying me? (hehe) Did I scorn her, and how?
A few of these won’t be worth reading for the next few days, but I’ll post them anyway. She’s forcing me to.