The Aristocrats!

A man, his wife and children in tow,  walk into a Murray’s Talent Agency to pitch their act.  Murray says, “I don’t have much time at all, so please be brief.  I’m meeting Chelsea Clinton for sushi in ten minutes.  What is it that you do…do?”  The man replies, “Please allow us to show you, sir”, taking a bow.

The man and his wife start tap dancing.  The wife while doing that one move from the old days where the arms start flapping up and down like a bird, while she hops up and down, starts pissing herself, making a puddle on stage.  The man starts pulling down his pants, kicking off his shoes, spitting in the palm of his hand, and begins jerking off with one hand, while thumbing his wife’s ass with the other.  The wife’s face is turning red as all hell, seemingly trying to sustain the thickness of her husband’s thumb.  (The husband was a steelworker by day, percussionist by night [congas]).  Enter stage left, the couple’s children come out on stage.  The boy is 11, the girl is 9.  The boy takes a squat over his mother’s piss puddle and takes a shit, then moves over and begins that flapping tap dance.  The girl squats over her mother’s piss and her brother’s shit, and takes a cute, little itty-bitty shit of her own, then goes on all fours, mixes and mashes the shit with her hands, giggling all the while.  (She was a charming little girl.) 

Mom goes down on all fours behind her daughter and starts eating her asshole.  Dad kneels on all fours behind mom and starts fucking her up the ass.  The son kneels on his mother’s back and jacks off into his father’s mouth.  *Queue music, the theme song from “Awakenings”, starring Robert Deniro and Robin Williams (who I heard was with John Belushi when he OD’d on an 8ball.)* 

Where was I?  Oh yeah!

So the kid cums in dad’s mouth;  dad cums in mom’s ass;  babygirl takes another shit in mom’s mouth, and babygirl smears all the shit and piss from the stagefloor all over her face, blackface-style, and starts singing Louis Armstrong’s greatest hits — the baritone voice on that girl!

They all get on their feet, spit out the cum in their mouths — mom spits shit, and the kid pisses into the air because he’s still hard from cumming in dad’s mouth.  Dad takes a few steps forward and says, “And now for our presentation of 9/11 victims”, and they all roll around in the piss, shit, and cum, get up, run around the stage crying and screaming “OMG, THE BUILDINGS ARE FALLING!  THE BUILDINGS ARE FALLING!”  *Enter stage right, Jesus Christ on a cross, who says, “Can someone please tell Mel Gibson that I too was a JEW!*  And Jesus takes a shit on the floor.

The father yells, “TADAAAAAAAAA!”, Rip Taylor fixes his wig, and Murray asks, “What do you call your act?”

Refer to the topic of this post for the answer.

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One response to “The Aristocrats!

  1. Seriously. Why don’t you conjure up a prompt and flesh something out?

    I declare tomorrow BE ORIGINAL day.

    And I hate the Aristocrats joke :(

    Like

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